u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
