Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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