its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
