her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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