OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
