I'm eating all of the evidence.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am available for nakedness
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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