plz talk dirty to me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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