You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
