its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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