he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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