i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
