Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
