Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
