Did you just see the Batmobile???
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
