We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
