So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
