we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
