I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
