based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
