grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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