i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
