Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
