She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
