Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
