last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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