the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
