She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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