mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
