Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
