last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
