Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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