And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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