what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
