so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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