I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize