Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Randomize
