Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
