It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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