This house was built for laser tag.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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