I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize