I can't watch pbs sober anymore
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My pussy is not your playground.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
