We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
