still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
