1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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