Can Purell be used as lube?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
