: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
