GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
