We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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