i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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