Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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