when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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