Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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