my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
