This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
