Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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