All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
