i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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