You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
