Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
