Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
