I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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