I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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