Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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