would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
