I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
