So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize