I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
