okay pat passed out under dana's car
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
