so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Green mimosas i think yes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
