Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
