I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
