Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
