I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
